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Letter to Danbury Mint - The Sequel (2007)

Six years on from the original Danbury Letter, the opportunity arose to prepare and issue a sequel 
– an opportunity too good to miss in light of a trio of "glorious sporting failures" (as they were described in a number of news items) achieved by two International teams and one individual.

There would have been no need to write any such letter in the first place and indeed would have been replaced by a lot more sympathy from a lot more people, if not for the autopsy time and blanket coverage the BBC, tabloid press and general (not just sporting) news reports committed to these events.

 
As regards the original letter, I did receive a reply (albeit a very short one) which at least showed that Mr Olswang and Danbury Mint had a sense of humour – with a name like mine they "should have known better," apparently.

I would conclude this introduction by stating that I have sporting and supporter affiliations down south and have every respect for the true fans who just want to get behind their teams or sporting countrymen.
But in many cases they too are sick to death of the biased reports, enforced coverages and the undue pressures that invariably puts on the teams and performers.



9th December 2007
 
F.A.O. Robert Olswang,
Director
Danbury Mint
Cox lane,
Chessington,
Surrey.
 
Dear Mr. Olswang
 
ITEM SUGGESTIONS AND FURTHER COMMUNICATIONS
 
Good day to you, Sir.

Can you believe its now over six years since we last corresponded and discussed England’s sporting successes, endeavours, and Danbury Mints generous offer to provide my good Scottish self (and no doubt many others of differing Nationalities) with a Gold Commemorative Medal for a football game that England won?
And not the 1966 ‘won,’ either.

I trust this finds you in good health and not suffering from any residual Post-Sportsmatic shock caused by recent events.
I refer of course to the extremely shocking and disappointing calamity that befell England’s latest sporting adventures, shocking enough to make front-page headlines and radio and TV news for days, nay weeks, thereafter.
I am of course referring to His Royal Highness elect the Right Honourable Lewis Hamilton and his Equal Driving Opportunity employers McLaren at M.I.6 Central.

Truly shocking, what with Lord Lewis ‘losing’ the Formula 1 Grand Prix Championship as opposed to that Finnish bloke actually ‘winning’ it, even although he Finnished (ahem) with more victories and therefore above the Boy Wonder and every other competitor.
In fact maybe Lewis should have worn a ‘Boy Wonder’ cape over his Spaniard-proof overalls, complete with obligatory ‘R’ insignia (standing of course for ‘Robbed’).

I have to admit though to being even more shocked in finding that this was an English driver, driving for England, as England attempted to add another sporting notch on the old goalpost.
All this time I had been under the misapprehension that the Motorsports organizations were under the British umbrella and have only just sussed that the GB shown so often alongside our drivers and riders actually stands for ‘Generally British’ until such times as one of the said individuals wins the whole enchilada.

By the same token that means us mere mortals North of the Border will have to take our lumps and admit to ownership of the Scottish diddies and also-rans of Motor Sport, such as:
Jim Clark, Jackie Stewart, Colin McRae (and the McRae Rally family), the Le Mans winning Ecurie Ecosse teams of the 1950s, Lord Selsdon, Dario Franchitti, Steve Hislop, Niall Mackenzie, and a host of other no-hopers.

But I apologise, I have digressed
 – this whole suggestion letter is supposed to be based on sports, and then I go and bring up Formula 1.
Not so much a Motorsport as a Motor business, and not so much a car race as a car chase as the also rans pursue that year's strongest team, car, driver, or mixture of all the previous.

I am actually writing to suggest some other Gold Medal options and will get to that shortly, but for the record I can only hope that Danbury Mint didn’t start the process of pouring the old carats into the Hamilton F1 Champion medal moulds, because that would be a whole lot of Gold to be melting back down.

And of course I really digressed just to get a quick (but not as quick as Kimi Raikkonen), cheap, mis-direction gag in, as my "extremely shocking and disappointing calamity that befell England’s latest sporting adventures" build up was of course aimed at:
The England Rugby team and their campaign to retain the World Cup Trophy.

Actually no, did it again, and in this instance all credit to the Roses of England obtaining runners-up medals when just about every expert in their own country had them on a flight back home after the Group games.
May I suggest however, that a Gold Commemorative Medal award should be presented to all the media pundits and experts who managed to set a record for how long they could keep the "it was a try and we were robbed" solidarity cry going. Pity freeze-frame camera shots have since proved otherwise.

No, we are of course really talking about the very sport which sparked such an interest in your medal offer up here some six years ago 
– International Soccer.
A travesty, an injustice and maybe even a classic case of "sick as a parrot."
How a team with such talent could be unfortunately left at home to watch the 2008 European Championships… and coming within one final game (a home game at that) of qualifying for said event, even managing to beat one of the qualifying teams above them and managed by home grown talent and not some foreign Johnny as had been tried prior…
Ah, no, sorry 
– that was our lot.

England, on the other hand, apparently World Cup winners in 1966, were yet again involved in a tragedy, an unacceptable scenario, whereby they had failed in what is surely their National, nay, God* given right, to qualify for the final stages of every major International competition.

( * Geoff Hurst, to give him his full name).

It was such a certainty that we even had the English Treble bet, whereby one could put money on the three-way victory of the Rugby team retaining their title, Prince Lewis and his Ferrari-assisted McLaren becoming World Champions and the guaranteed progress to the Euro ’08 kick-about, to be staged only forty-two years after England won the World Cup.

What was unfortunate from a personal point of view was the lost opportunity.

I seriously considered, even in the face of financial suicide, of taking the dangerous and foolhardy risk of a counter-bet by offering anyone who would accept a wager against this triple victory, and put money on not one, not two, but all three of the aforementioned endeavours ending in a blaze of bloody-unluckiness or injustice.

The only problem was no English friends (yes, I have many), acquaintances, contacts, or Betting Agencies I approached would accept my £20 bet 
– well, to be specific, my Bank of Scotland £20 note (for the 6,882nd time ladies & gentlemen of England, there are such things as Legal Tender outside your own green and pleasant bank notes).

However, back to the soccer superstars and the ridiculous and unjust outcome of that final game.
First, the Wembley turf was a disgrace, making silky flowing soccer impossible and that was down to the fault of those Neanderthal NFL American Footballers from just weeks before.
Well, maybe not.
You see, as luck would have it (you could almost have predicted this the way things are going couldn’t you), I played the game of Gridiron at a Pro-am level here in the UK for a number of years and am fairly well versed in the rules and play of the game.

The boys in the pads don’t, popular to contrary belief, wear 12” studs, carry flamethrowers, drive tanks or dig up the turf to hide the ball on ‘trick plays.’
So, much as it pains me to say this, it must be events after that game that produced such a poor field such as poor drainage, poor sod (no sorry, that was Coach Steve McLaren), not considering the weather patterns and not taking protective precautions.
Here's a thought
 – how about simply re-turfing the pitch?

White lines still on the pitch from the NFL game leading to confusion?
Yes, that is a seriously nasty problem with no easy answer – other than suggesting the ludicrous idea of painting over them with green turf paint.
It was probably more simply felt that any stadium that cost more than NASA’s total spending budget since, oh let’s say 1966, must have self-healing properties and that lush but firm grass would magically appear on the day of the game.
But alas, no.

More unfortunate was the fact that the Croatians had learned how to master parallel dimension interphasing, as those tricky devils were obviously playing on a different, firm and smooth playing surface making them look like professional footballers while the grandsons of 1966 looked like rank amateurs.
Well that’s not all true of course, but Croatia were playing on a different level, certainly.

Secondly, it seems that the English F.A. Committee may not have picked the best man for the job...

There were many other meat and potato choices surely?
It’s not as if there were so few home grown quality choices to pick from 
– six years ago it was different I grant you when I cited that the best the Premiership had to offer included Ferguson, Wenger, O’Leary and Houllier – not exactly strong and proud Anglo Saxon blood in those collective veins.

But over the ensuing years a few of those names have changed and over the last couple of seasons we can reflect on the successes of the likes of Ferguson, Wenger, Mourinho, Benitez… no, wait, that's Scottish (and arguably the most successful British Manager of all time), French, Portugese, and Spanish. Bugger. Again.

No, with scapegoat McLaren given the elbow it seems the answer once more lies outside the borders of St. George’s land, with Mr. Mourinho a favourite, or possibly the far more English choice of one of the Queen’s own sons, outside bet Jurgen Klinsmann.
Herr Klinsmann had a short but not too shabby stint in the English Premier League of course, but as an ex-German International of some standing I doubt it would ever happen as I also doubt anyone could take that much irony.

Or you could always try that bloke at Manchester City who is having a cracking Season 
– Sven Sony Eriksson I think his name is – handy if you need to phone him, as he owns his own mobile company. Wonder if he would be interested?
But that’s a consideration for the future, I am really writing to look back at our past correspondence and the subject of commemorative medals...

I recall you mentioning that someday you hoped to be able to offer "something similar" for the Scottish team/ fans, but the words ‘point’, ‘missing’, and ‘the’ come to mind I'm afraid.

As regards our own Saltire selections and the campaigns to qualify for World Cup and European Championships (and, once we get there, to get beyond the initial phase/s for the first time in our history), we are happy to get on with the job without any associated memorabilia, thank you very much.

There’s the right way, the wrong way, and the Scottish way.
For every famous victory against France, there’s a Costa Rica around the corner.
We expect that and, more importantly, we can live with that.

You also mentioned with a name like mine you "should have known better."
I appreciate the humour and, quite frankly, the compliment. 

Give my best to all the Hamilton-Hursts at Danbury House.

So, the old medal then.
I note the original item, produced to commemorate "England’s famous 5-1 victory" against their best mates from the Fatherland in 2001 is no longer featured in Danbury Mint’s catalogue.

Either it sold out phenomenally quickly, or was dropped shortly after it was realised it wasn’t going to sell as well as hoped. I know which one my money is on, and this time it won’t be a Bank of Scotland note, I’ve learned my lesson.

No, I would guess its value dropped dramatically the next year when Germany waved to the British Airways plane flying home while the Rheinemeisters stood for their anthem
 – on the World Cup Final pitch.
They went home with their own well earned set of (Silver) Medals.
Not well known, but true as the aim of a Beckham penalty Gov’ner, is the fact that “Deutschland Deutschland uber Alles” actually translates as “5-1, 5-1, big Whoopee Doo.”
That infamous game was probably the very kick up the old goal post the Germans needed.

So, suggestions for a new Commemorative Sporting medal:
Steve McLaren, for obvious reasons.
The Groundsmen at Wembley Stadium for their sterling work prior to the Croatia game.
One for 1966. You know, just to remind us, lest we forget.

Or how about ones for the English F.A. Committee who usually have the final say in selection and appointments of England Team Mangers.
Full of forward thinking, build for the future experts like Chief Executive Brian Barwick who, after the Croatia loss, was even more shocked to learn that not only have England not won the World Cup since 1966, they have also lost India.
“Lost it, lost it? That’s just damned sloppy
 – who had it last? Check under that large dossier file labelled ‘2008 Candidates in case it all goes Pear Shaped Again.’“
Bless ‘em, they need cheering up. 12 Gold ‘Smiley’ medals for 12 Angry Men, please.

Or our own Gordon Brown P.M., who has recently given his backing for the 2018 World Cup bid, stating that the "nation which gave football to the world deserves to have the greatest tournament."
Fantastic. Who knew he was even involved in the bid from China?
Of course to be fair to Gordon, he did commiserate with Steve McLaren right after the Croatia game when he thanked him for his efforts 
– efforts which managed to kick the Right Honourable Downing Streeter off the front of the Fleet Street rags.
 
On a genuinely serious note, I would suggest that the medals should go to the England fans who just want to get behind their team and have no truck with the media, pundits, experts and tabloid rants that, quite frankly, are the reason letters such as this are around in the first place.

The true fans have made the truer statements in recent times, particularly after that Croatia game.
Overpaid, poorly led, under-performing individuals. A poor side compared to what has gone before. Unluckiness, robbery, referees and bad tactics can all be thrown up as excuses, but as those genuine fans will tell you
 – and know – if England had been as good as the ‘experts’ suggested, believed, or pontificated about over the last four decades those same experts wouldn’t have to continually raise, and reminisce in, the 1966 history lesson.

That team were wingless, workmanlike and played as a team
 – but had individual flair when and where necessary.
They didn't play the most stylish football and arguably weren't even the best team in the tournament, but they got the job done
 – and they knew they had to work for their results, not just turn up then go home in this years Lamborghini.
 
I tip my Saltire to those of the current support that wear Three Lions on their shirts and no chips on their shoulders. They deserve the medals.
 
And finally I would confirm I offer these suggestions free of charge, just as I did with my assistance to promote your medal offer up here back in 2001.
I managed to get a few donations, but sadly couldn’t even manage twenty quid.
I fell thirty-four pence short, bringing the total to Nineteen pounds and sixty six pence.
That’s £19.66.
Cheque’s in the Post.
 
Yours, as always, in sport,
 
Ross Muir
 
Ps: any chance you could see your way to getting a Danbury Mint NFL ‘49ers’ Ring (size 8) for me from your Stateside Departments? I’m getting nowhere with Customer services as it seems delivering overseas and accepting UK Credit Card payments is an issue.
Ta.         
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